Did you know that this blog had a subtitle? Well, at least it did when I first started it years ago.
Oh the years, they sure do go by fast don't they. The things I have said herein and the things I haven't said are so far and few between. I've talked about very personal things, that of which some have read, some that people haven't even discovered yet.
We would like to take the things back that we have said, unfortunately what people have heard and know already can not be erased. We just try to shrug it off and move on. We live with many things - embarrassment, lies, secrets, good times and bad goodbyes.
I don't regret anything that I have exposed. I never tried to be something I am not, I have only allowed people to see what I wanted them to see. We are all guilty of that on some level. We know what we think are our best sides. Sometimes it takes someone who really knows us to point out that we have been selling ourselves short.
People have known when you have shed your skin and shown them the raw side. That means more than anything, that is what is touching, that is what is beautiful.
I've had to live with not having a goodbye to my Mother. I have had to live with the goodbye from who I thought was the love of my life. All we need is that moment of time, days, weeks, maybe even years. We pick ourselves up and we move on. Starting this blog was my process of moving on.
35 years today I have been in existence. I wouldn't take back one second of it. Those seconds make me who I am, without them I wouldn't be me. Nobody said it was going to be easy, nobody said it was going to be hard. In fact, I think we all would agree that life is hard. If it wasn't hard, we probably wouldn't have learned anything. Without struggle and hardship we don't grow.
My subtitle? Taste Like Yesterdays News. That's what it was 4 years ago. As I think about it, it still is fitting, cause by the time it happens it is already over with. By the time you have written it, shared it and someone else heard about it; it is yesterdays news. I have got news that is 3 years old, that I have kept to myself. With that kind of age, not sure it can be considered new. Consider it my truth and it shall set me free.
3 year old news I take to bed with me every night. 3 year old news I wake up older with and try to move on. 3 year old news that I have been HIV positive.
Today is my birthday, I'm 35 years old and I still continue on.
This is what I live with now, no embarrassment, no regrets and no lies.
A lifted weight, a sigh of relief.
Tomorrow I will wake up and this will all be yesterdays news.
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